But like you and probably a lot of other gay guys. I find these apps are pretty disappointing. but for someone looking for much more of a connection than a random encounter with a stranger. I use Grindr and also Scruff basically just to put myself out there. there are TONS of similar posts to yours that come up here on a regular basis so there's GOT to be some of those guys on Grindr too. I feel the same about most of what you said. Writing it out here helps me release some of the tension when I have no one to talk to about these things. I'm not good enough for anyone, I don't belong anywhere, and it sucks :( And all any gay men my age want to do is find their perfect twink on Grindr to hookup with. Here I apparently don't suffer enough for most to care. Back home I have my highly conservative, religious family that use the f-slur like salt and want me to rot in hell for my sins. But I feel like shit when I'm repeatedly completely dismissed by what's supposed to be my community. I've been told by members of community LGBT and Pride groups and the like that we "gay white guys" have it easy relative to the rest of the community. As a cisgender, "straight-passing" (albeit not intentionally so) white guy, it sometimes feels like I'm not queer enough for today's LGBT community. And I've been surprised at how unwelcoming this community can be. But it's not OK if you've been intentionally seeking it out for so damned long. I'm not good enough for anybody in this world where we've been condensed into little clickable torso pictures on an app. If that's what you're into, that's great! And, to be honest, I'd take that at this point, if I could get it.
It feels like love life for gay men my age is just spending hours on Grindr, finding some guy to go fuck in the back of your car in some alley, and moving on. I don't know where else to turn or what else to try. Over literal years I've talked to countless people, and I've been blocked by every. Just one more and I'll find someone I'm good enough for, I'd tell myself. Afterwards I feel worthless, and then go in search of the next high, the next person. I spent sleepless hours at night messaging blank profiles, fueling hope only to be blocked when they seen a picture of my face or my body or my ass and they decided I was too ugly to fuck. After many months of trying- and one helpful Redditor telling me to "quit trying to find your Prince Charming, and learn to be a slut"- I, too, went in search of anything.įor a few months it became addictive. I went in first with the intention of meeting people for dates, but eventually accepted that no one on Grindr is really looking for that sort of thing. I've spent nearly three years on Grindr now, and nothing has ever come of it.
The hundreds of Grindr clones (Scruff, HUD, etc.) are garbage, and typically are just a small subset of the same profiles available on Grindr. There's by contrast few gay men using the app, and most have blank profiles and are just looking to hookup. And all there is to be had there is disappointment. I've tried all of them, and it's clear that gay "dating", at least for young adults, lives almost entirely within Grindr. So, outside of organically meeting gay people by chance, the only remaining intentional option is dating apps. Moreover, being in a college town, a significant portion of people in my age group aren't even old enough to go to the bar. I've been to a few in my area, and the demographic seems to skew heavily toward men in their 30s-40s. There was a time in the past where gay bars and night clubs were the place for younger people to meet other gays, but that doesn't seem to be the case anymore. While there are a few LGBT clubs on campus, they have a relatively limited presence and, being mostly closeted, I haven't had much success meeting people through them. I'm a gay college student, originally from a highly conservative region of the deep south, going to school in a relatively liberal region of New England, and I'm finding it surprisingly difficult to have a love life as a gay man.